Cool Guys Don’t Look At Explosions

Greetings, fellow red-blooded Americans,

In my previous installments, I taught you how to integrate a bear roar into your audio clip ( and how to put a shark head on to a bear ( Feel free to check them out now if you haven’t. I’ll wait.

Great. Today, I will be teaching you how to integrate an explosion into your website. The concept is simply, really: we will use an image tag to insert a saved GIF. A  GIF, for those who don’t know, is an animated image. It operates in the same way your old Captain Underpants flip books operate: by flipping through a small collection of stills. We will be using this GIF in particular: (Sure, you could technically use a different GIF, if you’re a commie.) Just save that file as you would any picture file. (Don’t be alarmed if the GIF doesn’t move when you preview it, as it needs to be open in the right medium for it to animate.)

After that, move the file into your site folder and open your HTML editor. Insert an image tag and cite the gif. The code should look something like this:

<img src=”explode.gif” alt=”sexplosion. Get it?Its an explosion…of SEX.” width=”500″ height=”300″ align=”center”  />

Congratulations, you’re one foreign villain away from your own Die Hard movie.

Use your explosions well. It may be tempting to overrun your site with such glorious destruction, but curb yourself! Do not succumb to their bright embers; channel your grizzled armhair into but one really big explosion. Remember, the right hand of Steven Seagal, like the left, may be clenched in a fist, but the fist’s fist is always open–a butterfly suspended within.

More than anything, never forget:

Don’t look at the explosion.

Never look at the explosion.


VBS out.

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