Artist by trade, musician by force lol I have always been forced one way or another into the spotlight.
I started playing the violin when I was 5, not because I thought, “hey, I really want to learn how to play the violin,” but because my parents really wanted to have musical children.
Ever since I can remember I have been on the stage, either playing with the orchestra, playing solos, or displaying my artwork for critiques in art classes etc. Not many people know this, but I am incredibly shy. I have extreme stage fright, and I cannot think of a more vulnerable moment in my lifetime then being made to be in the spotlight. The fact of the matter is that I hate being criticized or judged. I hate the feeling of people ripping my work apart. It’s part of life, I know, but I bear my heart and sole, I let people into my world, and being put down is a harsh feeling that festers, and never seems to go away.
I had a lot of trouble with this assignment, not because I couldn’t think of a topic, but because I didn’t think I could share the feeling of vulnerability I get when I am exposed to an audience. I still have a back up just in case.
So, I guess despite my better judgment, I am regrettably going to be the subject of my vulnerability study. Yes, I am going to be the focal point, front and center. With no lens or canvas to hide behind, there will finally be a face to my name.
And when I am scrutinized for the artistic representation I will create with my own personal portraits, even people who don’t know who I am will be able to point and say “hey, that’s you in that photo.”